I'm going to jail i love you
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
