If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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