you would pick up someone in the library
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
