Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
