how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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