I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
