Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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