I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
