Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
