Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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