I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
