I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
