he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
