I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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