We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
