Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
