i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You've changed since you got that strap on
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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