The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
