Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
