insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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