You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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