before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
