If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
