Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
