Just cropdusted the office
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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