Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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