Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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