Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
