im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
