literally had 100 drinks last night.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
