I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
