I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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