your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
