You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
