he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
