It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
