listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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