I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's shark week go big or go home
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
