I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
