I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Farmville is her only friend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
