Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need a beard to bite.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
