just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
