My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
