I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
