When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
