you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
