i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
