You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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