I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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