my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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