Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
