Just fell off a train. Bad.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
