I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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