Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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